5.31.2003
4:00 PM
GOT LEFTOVERS???
Is this not the coolest thing? No, it wasn't last night's dinner. It was a party favor given for my buddy Mitchell's 1st birthday. It was all homemade, and the "chopsticks" are lolipop sticks. awesome! this is one chinese takeout box that's not going to be tossed out.
5.30.2003
4:28 PM
NOW, FOR THE MATTERS I TALKED ABOUT EARLIER
But first a quick news flash. I have officially been accepted to 3 AP courses. This 3rd one i'm a bit concerned, because it focuses on the subject that always have and always will dread: English. I'm giving it a try because Mr. Anderson is teaching it. He's a pretty good teacher. Maybe my outlook on English will make a 360. just maybe...
So, my 2003-2004 school year looks like this:
English AP
Physics AP
US History AP
Pre-Calculus Honors
Graphic Design
Chapel Leadership
Weight Training
with possibly another elective, TechClub on Mon/Fri lunch time, possibly debate after school, not to mention to regular piano lessons, scouts, and youth group. God help me!
Ok, so about chatting and what-not. There have been a few ppl at my church that i've been wanting to talk to, but haven't built up the courage to do, being the snob that i am. I found that the best was to make it all better is to just do it. I just force myself to do it and i think it turns out bad (which it hasn't yet, thank God), then oh well. so it's worked so far and it's gotten easier and i become happy. now i just need to work on thinking about what else to talk about, asking questions first, starting the conversation, making them like me, all that psychological stuff.
CONCLUSION:
TAKE A RISK. I first learned this long ago in an acting class I took where the teacher wanted us to feel good expressing ourselves. TAKE A RISK. Those words sound so scary, so eerie, but they are true. stand out. be adventurous. can't hurt if you've got God on your side.
4 DAYS TO SCREEN SAVERS!!!
5.29.2003
7:10 AM
HEAT WAVE
geez, it's been so hot lately. yesterday it said that danville hit 97. Today is more of the same, supposedly slightly cooler. as a result i've been so lazy. too lazy to do work, too lazy to blog.
quick updates:
screen savers is in 5 days!
schoolwork has gotten just plain annoying. not hard, theres just a lot of it and it goes by slowly. i'm afraid i'll be locking myself in my room all weekend to finish. grr...
i find that talking to people has become a bit easier for me. i'll talk more about it in my next post...whenever that is.
5.24.2003
9:27 PM
YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA
Coming soon (hopefully): Video Confessions of a Slightly Insane Geek
I'll either be using my cheap VHS-C camera and a capture device, or my webcam and microphone to express my thoughts and maybe give you a hint of my life. It's like online reality TV, except well, not so real...
GOOD TIMES, EH? -B. ERTIS, CANADIAN FRIEND
Wow, today (actually yesterday now) was a pretty good day. School was decent. (Congrats, CP) At least they didn't take any more money from me.
(my nocturnal side is showing now; it's quarter to 2 and i'm still up...)
Actually youth group for some reason was better than usual. I talked with people I didn't know and talked with people I haven't talked with for a long time and wanted to talk to for a long time, but never had the nerve. Could this be the start of something great!?
5.22.2003
9:34 PM
MASKED ME
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake, don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me. Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my
weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That's why I frantically create my masks
to hide behind.
They're nonchalant, sophisticated facades
to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that
knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation,
and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
and if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing,
the superficial phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing,
that I'm just no good
and you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without,
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn't
for I am everyman
and everywoman
who wears a mask.
Don't be fooled by me.
At least not by the face I wear.
"The Mask I Wear"
-Author Unknown
5.21.2003
4:10 PM
HIGHWAY ROBBERY
I hate to break the great news so soon, but this is a topic I feel I must express my foul displeasure. A few weeks ago, I mentioned about the Soph's fundraising idea (background info):
"neways, our student council is proposing this strange fundraiser that my teach claims existed in their days. either, we:
A.) Get out of the whole darn thing by scrounging up $10, or
B.) Submit ourselves to the authorities (being everyone who's for it) and we are "bought" by any student and teacher. as their slave...umm...excuse me BONDSERVANT (sheesh!), we have to act as chauffeur. we have to tote books, open doors, get them food, clean toilets, whatever. sounds okay, but not until we have to dress up anyway they tell us to. so either way you'll be labelled a fool, whether it's for chickening-out or for looking like a demented woman." - 4/10
Well, since I thoroughly decided NO, i figuered gain the sanity and pay the $10, it being the LAST $10 i will ever pay. BUT, they decide to pile on ANOTHER $10 for a lunch we're doing! On top of that, i've got a Tech Club and Weight Training lunch to over for! WHO THE HECK do they think we all are? My mom is getting pissed (the worst part of it all), so I think we're going to end up keeping some money. And the Soph council says, "we must have class unity and participate as a class and all contribute, for this money is going towards YOUR prom!" YOUR PROM my rear! Listen and listen well: I'M NOT GOING TO PROM SO I COULD CARE LESS!!! MY MONEY IS GOING WHERE IT'S BETTER NEEDED, SUCH AS FOR THE LORD'S WORK!!! Again, I say it, I'M NOT GOING TO PROM SO I COULD CARE LESS!!!
UPDATE: Both parents are pissed now, exactly what I hoped for. No school is going to extort money from us, that's for sure, no matter how hard they try.
YES!!! WE DID IT!
Screen Savers Update:
The Tech Club is going to see the June 3 taping of the Screen Savers! Turn us on that day live at 4, or later! PTL! We did it!
5.20.2003
10:46 PM
A GENERATION'S FINAL JOURNEY BEGINS
hmm, very thought provoking words. I picked up a copy of Star Trek Nemesis today for $14 at costco (where else?). Got a lot of neat features, cool menus. I just hope it won't be the last Star Trek movie (they've still got 3 more crews left to use). Looking at the ratings of Enterprise, hope is just a glimmer. Just wait until next season.
SCREEN SAVERS UPDATE:
Tomorrow is a tech club meeting. If Screen Savers has been as faithful to Mr. Raasch as they have been to me, they would've called him. And if Mr. Raasch is as cool as we hope he's been, he would've said yes. As I said in my last post, it's all up to God now. All I (we) can do tonight is PRAY HARD!!!!! I'M NOT GIVING UP!!! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!
5.19.2003
7:06 PM
C'MON, ALMOST THERE
Wow, strange, yet amazing. Today at our Tech Club meeting, Mr. R informed us (or me) that there would be no Screen Savers because 1.) They never returned his call, and 2.) They claim you need a 1:1 ratio of chaperones to youth. 2 problems to counter that: 1.) I think he called the wrong number because they returned my call within the next day, and 2.) They would have told me if you need a 1:1 ratio, since I informed them this was a school function. Well, with that in mind (or not quite), I went the rest of the day all sad ;( and we planned our non-screen savers field trip. But TechTV (and God) didn't forget me, and I found a message from TechTV on my answering machine saying HURRY UP WITH YOUR DECISION!!! Sooo, I called them and told them to speak with Mr. R at the school and also reiterated that this was a school function, that Mr. R tried calling, and of course, that we were still VERY interested. Okay, now we pray that God will work out this situation and that He'll allow us a trip to TechTV. I can think of a billion ways we can't go, but God can work through it. I think if He brought us this far, it'll all work out.
ihopewecanihopewecanihopewecan
5.17.2003
11:44 PM
I'M BACK
I finally found a web host to which I will in the near future host my non-existant website. Cheers to Host Department for offering a free service which includes 50 megs, FTP, and no ads. Let's hope the economy favors them and that they'll be here to stay for a while.
Since I found a web host, I've been considering what kind of interface to use. Flash? Frames? Fat image maps? My old website has a flash image map that I really liked, but, 1.) at 350 KB, it's not worth the wait for people with internet more inferior than mine, hehehe 2.) i made this flash file before my computer crashed, so now i've only got the .swf file so i can't make any changes to it. So until I decide, you'll see a text-based nav. interface or no interface at all, depending on how I feel.
Oh, and while you're wondering in awe about what the heck i'm talking about, visit http://scottweb.techie.at for the future non-existant site and http://scott_web.nerds.at for my never-updated ultra-fat site.
5.16.2003
3:42 PM
WOW...THERE REALLY IS LIFE OUTSIDE MY HEAD
Hey, we finally got a post on the S.O.S. Youth Group Website prayer board! And it's not from me!
Guess what, our school is confirmed to go to The Screen Savers taping in a few weeks! It got approved by the administration, the club, and the advisors! so now, we need to find a date to go, then everyone can watch us on channel 294 on either June 2,3,4, or 5. It's cool that we'll be able to see people like Leo Laporte.
I seem to be in a very hyper-link mood today. That's four links in one post.
FYI, no, I haven't seen the new Matrix movie yet, nor do I plan to until the crowds die down. Regal I heard is quite crowded. You can barely get tix from Fandango either.
5.15.2003
4:00 PM
THE RESOLUTION...IT'S BEAUTIFUL...
Forgot to mention...I finally got a new monitor. My old one was to the point that the "screen" was a little squashed rectangle in the bottom hemisphere with no more room for shrinkage or movement. So, I got myself down to my favorite store to shop at and found a decent Philips for $100. Not bad for a 17" screen. My mom actually wanted an LCD (as so myself), but we'll wait a little bit. The darn thing was so bright compared to my old one that when I first turned it on a nearly got a seizure! (j/k) But it's cool and hey, it works!
5.14.2003
3:56 PM
A SAD DAY IN SCOTT-VILLE
Why do friends betray each other?
Why do we show goodwill towards our friends and they dump us?
How is it that we seem to be the odd one out all the time?
I've been pondering these questions long and hard today as I officially declared myself
"Friend-less at Valley"
For the second time, my friends exclude me and not invite me to a little party they're having. And they make up that lame excuse "oh, i could only invite 5 people." This has shown me how true my friends at Valley are, and frankly, none of them I no longer consider true friends. It's a sad situation, and unfortunately I'm in the middle of it. I hope all you Valley friends reading this are happy, because I am not...
To add on to the great news, my test grade in Algebra was...well...not good...
Sorrowfully Signed,
Friend-less at Valley
UPDATE: What I meant is friend-less @ Valley Christian. I've got old friends that are good, and you guys at S.O.S. are cool...
UPDATE 2: To add on to my grief, I got an F on a 10-point, 2 question, completion credit chem. assignment. HOW THE HECK CAN I FLUNK SUCH AN EASY ASSIGNMENT???
UPDATE 3: TO further add on to my grief, I found out my in-class Hamlet writing was an 82. Not too surprised, I'm actually glad I got at least a B. Ruins my Hamlet Objective celebration.
5.12.2003
3:50 PM
LEAVE IT TO ME
Wow, today was a pretty great day. First, I was elected Treasurer again for Tech Club. I wanted to be Pres., but my friend Alex got it. That's okay, Alex is cool, and besides, he guarantees we'll be moving around $$$ next year! (best part of being treasurer this year: not moving money around *insert sarcastic cheer).
Second, I got step one of our Screen Savers field trip approved. The club just about unanimously voted for it. Now, just need to get the dates to Mr. R in Chicago so he can approve it, then bring it to Dr. U and admin to approve it, and viola!
The best part of today was that....
I ACED MY HAMLET OBJECTIVE TEST!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
(i have never ever aced a test in mrs. m's class in my life, nor has anyone else that has gone through her class)
Now, that I'm all enthusiastic, it's time to release that enthusiasm by writing an entire 8 minute Japanese skit by myself...
---
CURRENTLY (again):
mood: Techie-Geeky-Happy!!! Whoopie!
music: Video Killed the Radio Star - the Buggles
web: Homestar Runner (down)
5.09.2003
5:10 PM
SAVING THE SCREEN
YES!!! PRAISE GOD!!! I requested ticekts to see the Screen Savers in the city on Monday. They called me back today saying to come on over! Now, I just need to get permission from the school, then our tech club is going to the land of the geeks!! Just pray that we get permission...that would stink so bad if we can't go...;(. But for know we must be optimistic about the situation.
ihopewecanihopewecanihopewecanihopewecan....
5.04.2003
9:12 PM
MOVING ON...
I felt that the last post was complete, yet incomplete. So I'm going to talk more about some random subject. no more news. My enormously ripped weights teacher tells us we should periodically examine ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It's a check-up to make sure we aren't pushing ourselves too much or slacking off. Anyways here are the results I found.
Spiritually, I'm really not where I hoped I'd be. I've been so busy I've slacked off on Bible reading. I'm also ignoring my Sunday school homework. I'm falling asleep in chapel (oh wait, I blame that on the loud music, terrible). Anyways, it seems that I'm not quite getting my daily feeding of the Truth. Everyone who reads this and knows how I feel pray that God will open up my schedule and that my heart will be open to receiving what he has to say. On the other hand, I can barely contain myself in regards to SOS. Our youth group seems it's so unorganized. We have an ignorant president, meetings with only half the youth showing up, and stuff occuring on the spot because we don't get contacted. And because I'm not on the council, all I can do is mentally scorn, hold back my "constructively criticizing" comments, try to keep a straight face, and persevere one more month.
Mentally/emotionally, besides SOS, I'm stressed enough. I usually have a lot of things on my mind. Though I'm not showing it, it seems I get worried and nervous quite frequently, a typical sign of a melancholy. Seems it's only getting worse. Not much I can do about it except pray. Maybe it's because my grades aren't what I hoped for.
Now, physically, I've gone quite far. Though my stomach still sticks out quite a bit, my chest looks quite developed. It's a result of benching 135. I've on track to bench my weight, probably about 150 by June. And about my weight, I'm very pleased how much i've slimmed down. Back when I was taking my permit test in August, I was 172. Now I'm exactly 155. I'm hoping to drop even lower to about 145 by next August. I also want to flatten my stomach (a six-pack would be nice). So basically, I'm going all out. The only thing I don't like is my hecka red skin. It's some skin disease that is pretty much impossible to cure.
Another thing to add mentally, it's actually more like intelligently. this summer, I'm planning to learn advanced programming this summer. I also hope I can start putting together my new computer. Also, I'm learning about leadership, 7 habits stuff, dating, apologetics. I'm also trying to learn how something works every day @ HowStuffWorks.com. By the end of the summer, I'll probably not only be a geek, but a super-smart geek. who doesn't have enough money. who worries too much. who procrastinates. who is probably an idiot taking all these killer classes next year.
RANDOM STUFF:
My monitor is down to about 60% working.
My sympathy to Pastor Steve Louie's family. His father just died. But PTL, his father claimed to have accepted Christ shortly before he passed away so now he's home!
THE INTERNET - NO LONGER FOR GEEKS
I hate website building now. Today, I find out that the webhost that hosts my church's website that I made discontinued their free service. They took all the free websites down, so I've got nothing left. I guess you have to be rich to survive these days. Heh, in that case the internet can kiss my seat goodbye until I get a real job.
5.02.2003
11:16 PM
RAINY NIGHTS
Man, it's scary out there. My bro is camping this weekend (in tents), so I'm all alone in my room. Half the house is darkened for the night. All I hear is silence, with the tapping of the keyboard, accompanied by the beating of rain. rain. i also hear sirens. reminders of the idiots who think it's a thrill to go 100 on a wet, rainy freeway. playing games with life is no thrill. especially on a night like tonight. sounds like something out of an old horror movie...*shudder...
